I quite miss you
by fanficloverme96
Summary: Raphael Santiago refuses to mope. He is the leader of the New York Vampire Clan. Vampire leaders do /not/ mope.
_miss_

 _/mis/_

 _verb_

 _Notice the loss or absence of something (or someone)_

* * *

Raphael Santiago does not mope.

For one thing, the behaviour is unbecoming, especially for a leader of a vampire clan like himself. He is supposed to be imposing and powerful, not weepy and depressed.

Second of all, he refuses to show weakness, not when his followers need him the most.

When he announced Simon's betrayal, the words sound heavy and foreign on his tongue, and if he has to be absolutely honest, if he is given the choice, he refuses to say them out loud. He could have pretended to not notice Simon's act of betrayal; could have let them go without saying a word.

But Camille is a dangerous enemy, and Raphael has a duty to do as the leader. If he shows complacency, it would affect others' view of him, and he needs to be constantly seen as a competent leader if he ever hopes of getting permanent control of the New York's vampire clan, at least for a long time.

So, with a well-practiced sneer of a smile, he announces Simon's act of betrayal, and bans him from the Dumort Hotel. He does not miss the look on the fledgling's face before he leaves, and he wills himself to control his expression.

Of course, that does not make Simon's departure any less painful.

It's been two weeks since his departure, and the hotel is considerably quieter. On most days, Raphael would have appreciate the peace. He craves for silence and remembers how he would snap at Simon to keep quiet when the boy goes off on one of his endless ramblings.

But the silence seems to have an opposite effect on him, now, as with each passing second the silence grows, the more it reminds him of Simon. The more it reminds him of his absence in the hotel. No longer is there the too-loud laughter coming from one of the hotel rooms (now empty, save for the brown sweater Simon has worn the night before he left, placed haphazardly across the bed, and the pile of comics on the bedside table), nor is there the steady strumming of the guitar coming from the main hall. Lily Chen, who have grown rather fond of Simon, remains her habit of idly stirring her bloody cocktail in the bar area, as if waiting for Simon to enter and join her for a chat.

Raphael refuses to mope. He has every reason to be furious at the fledgling. After everything he has done for him, he honestly disappointed him when he defied Raphael's order to leave Camille alone. He doesn't understand the consequences of his actions, and probably refuses to, since his world revolves around his Shadowhunter best friend.

It sickens him; Simon's pining for that girl. He doesn't understand why he would choose to hurt himself over and over again when it is clear that the girl would rather have someone else.

It's painful, and frustrating, and Raphael feels like punching a wall just thinking about it.

But Lily would fix him a pitying look and gently takes hold of his hand. She shakes her head.

"It's not worth it," she says, "He made his choice, Raphael. You need to let go."

 _"No quiero hacer eso,"_ he murmurs.

Lily's expression is a mixture of pity and heartbreak. "You must, my friend. Eventually."

Eventually would mean a long time for Raphael.

* * *

The smell of blood hits him hard.

Opening his eyes, he fumbles for his phone to check the time. It is an hour past sunset. He should get up by now.

There is a knock, and Stan lets himself in before Raphael could even answer. He would normally bare his fangs in anger at the blatant disrespect, but the look of urgency on Stan's face makes him pause.

"Sorry to bother you," the other vampire says quietly, "But I think you should come see this."

"What is it?"

Stan hesitates. "It's…Lewis."

Raphael is out of the door before Stan could blink.

* * *

Simon looks horrible.

There is a horrible gash across his throat and on each of his wrists. His white shirt is stained with dirt and blood, and that is when Raphael finally notices the deep wound at his side. His complexion is much paler than usual, with the blue veins clearly visible against his skin. There are shadows underneath his eyes, which are screwed shut.

He lies still on the ground, in the pool of his own blood.

Raphael curses under his breath, and runs to kneel by Simon's side.

"He isn't regenerating?" Lily asks softly from her position at the foot of the stairs.

"He has been drained of blood. He will die if he doesn't drink any soon." Raphael's voice is as hard as steel. "Dammit. What the _hell_ happened to you, Simon?"

He turns to face his followers, gently scooping Simon into his arms before getting up to his feet. "One of you, prepare as much blood as you can. He doesn't have much time left."

There is silence.

 _"Hurry!"_ Raphael barks.

"Why should we?" asks one of the vampires- Elliot, if Raphael correctly remembers. The vampire with the badly-dyed green hair. "Isn't he a traitor? He released Camille. You said so yourself."

"El," Lily growls in warning.

"I don't think I want to help a traitor," Elliot replies, crossing his arms.

Before Lily could say anything, Raphael's hand is already grabbing Elliot's throat, the leader's fangs baring at him dangerously. Lily does not even notice that he has passed Simon to her, until she feels Simon's head lolling lifelessly against her shoulder. Blood is quickly staining her dress.

"Elliot, you watch your words," Raphael hisses low, his eyes wild as he glares at the vampire he has pushed up against the wall. "You understand _nothing_."

In one swift moment, he throws the vampire to the side. There is a loud crash as Elliot collides against the dumpster, before sliding down to the ground.

Slowly, Raphael turns to the rest of the followers, his eyes narrowing.

"Now. What were my orders?"

The sight of the vampires scurrying back into the hotel is almost funny if Lily does not nudge him with her shoulder and reminds him of Simon, who lies still in her arms.

 _"Dios,"_ Raphael mutters, looking at Simon with a soft expression, "Fledgling, you are too much trouble than what you are worth."

* * *

When Simon wakes up five days later, fully bandaged and oddly sated, he finds himself back in his old room in the hotel.

Furrowing his brow in confusion, his train of thoughts is interrupted when he hears a familiar voice by the doorway.

"The baby has finally awaken."

Simon stills.

He hears footsteps coming into his room, but he keeps his eyes trained to the ceiling, very unwilling to look at Raphael. Raphael stops by his bedside, and the mattress dips as he sits on it. Simon tries his hardest to keep still and not look at him.

"Your friend came over," Raphael begins, "Clary."

"She did?" Simon asks quietly.

"Said you were captured by Valentine's men, and drained you of your blood."

"Ah."

"She went a little crazy, that girl. When she couldn't find you. You dragged yourself all the way here, instead of waiting to be rescued like a good vampire would do."

Simon does not say anything.

"Why here, though?" Raphael inquires, "When you are fully aware that you are not exactly welcomed anymore at the hotel, fledgling."

Raphael hides the fact that the past five days, he thanks his lucky stars that Simon even survived the whole journey here, and spends most of his time trying to get Simon to drink from the blood bag, failing multiple times because the boy would not respond. The fledgling does not need to know that.

"I…" Simon chokes a little, as tears gather in his eyes. He wipes them away in frustration. "I don't know. It's just…it's the first place that came to mind."

"Why is that?"

"I don't know, okay?" Simon snaps, finally turning to glare at the vampire beside him. Raphael stares at him back impassively. "Look, I'm grateful that you didn't just leave me out to die, but I know when I'm not welcomed. I'll leave."

He starts to get up, but Raphael places a hand on his chest and pushes him back down to the mattress firmly. Simon looks at him quizzically.

"What are-,"

"Rest, _mi volantón,_ " says Raphael, "You lost a lot of blood, and it is quite hard to get you to feed when you barely respond to us."

Raphael gets up from the mattress and walks to the doorway, all the while with Simon staring at him in confusion. He hesitates, pausing to look at Simon over his shoulder.

"You…are welcome to stay here. For as long as you would like."

He hears a strangled gasp.

"I thought…" Simon whispers, "Aren't I a traitor?" He looks away, unwilling to meet Raphael's eyes. "I thought you hated me."

There is a heavy, pregnant pause.

"I am still disappointed in you, Simon," Raphael answers at last, "And I'm not sure if I can forgive you for letting Camille go just yet."

Simon tenses at his words.

"But," Raphael continues, "I still feel responsible for you, fledgling. Indirectly, I'm the one who caused you to be who you are right now. And besides," he pauses, "I promise your friends I would take care of you. And I don't break my promises."

He sees Simon's shoulder relax, and hears an exhale of breath. Slowly, Simon turns to meet his eyes.

"For whatever it's worth, Raphael, I am sorry."

Raphael allows himself a small smile. His heart lifts when he sees Simon's eyes light up.

"Just rest, Simon. You can apologize to the rest of the clan tomorrow."

* * *

It is an hour before sunrise, and by right, Raphael should be getting ready to sleep. Instead, he stands by the doorway, and takes note of Simon's slow and steady breathing as he sleeps peacefully. It is funny how he unconsciously retains his habit of needing to breathe, as if his body forgets that he doesn't need to.

It is also a bit strange to see a vampire sleeping throughout the night, and Lily has threatened to wake him up multiple times, but Raphael allows himself a small luxury of watching Simon's peaceful expression, face smoothed out and completely free of worries.

"I don't hate you, Simon," he murmurs, "In fact, _yo como que te extraño_."

* * *

 **A/N: For the record, I don't speak Spanish. (learning French, though, but Raphael doesn't speak French so...) So any mistakes, please feel free to inform me!**


End file.
